Laughter (EmreP)

Yesterday I laughed nonstop for about five full minutes.
Because of something truly stupid, not even that funny.

But I laughed, so hard that I cried, my belly hurt so hard that I could not breath at one point, and I kept laughing.

I remember the last time I laughed like this was when I was 15, and I distinctly remember where I was and who I was with. It was in front of the stores opposite of the city high school, and I was with my close friend EmreP, God rest his soul. He has been taken from us too early, although he was only too full of life. I remember what I wrote for him in our yearbook, I said: "Go live your life". Little did I know.

But I remember that when I was with him, many other days very much like this one, which I remember in detail, I laughed so hard that I could not keep standing on my two feet. I remember, across the city high school, in front of all these strip shops, I laughed so hard this one spring day, that I fell down on the ground, my knees, my muscles just gave up. And I remember him holding me, my arms, and laughing at how I was laughing. I was laughing so hard that my cheeks hurt, and I couldn't breath, so I had to hold my cheeks and make this "hoooow" sound just to be able to breath.
He would tease me every time I ended up on the floor with a "hoooow".

EmreP I miss you every single day.
I regret that I did not talk you into coming to college in the same town as I was.  And I remember the day when I kissed your forehead in front of our regular bar like yesterday. And I am still truly sorry that I scratched that very forehead when I was 12 and left you with a never healing scar. I miss you and it hurts that one day you admitted that we were inviting each other to our cities but in a very phony way knowing neither you nor me would pay the visit. It hurt so much that day, and it still does, knowing that we never had the chance to visit each other. You went in your own way, and I did go to mine, but I carry you in my heart, in our pictures, in our memories, in our youth..
I remember like yesterday the days we would talk on the phone for hours after seeing each other at school for a whole day. And the void you left in me, ...

That void, my friend, can't be filled. By no one.

You will be there, my dear EmreP, whenever I laugh so hard that tears fall on my cheeks and I can't breath. Every such laughter will be for you. There is a reason why it took me 12 years to laugh so hard... 'Coz without you, my dear..
Without you I never thought I could even laugh that hard..