Dream 2 - Panic of Getting Married

This was a dream of panic - a kind of panic I've never lived before, and hopefully will not ever experience. Ever. It sucked.

In my dream, I am kind of in a relationship with a friend of mine, whom I will refer to as M.  He is (in reality) a very dear friend of mine that I haven't seen for a couple of years, unfortunately. We went to middle school together, and at times he had a crush on me. But our friendship always remained strong. Once, when he had girlfriend issues, I went to visit him for support in another city, and we made the classic joke of "ok we'll marry each other at 40 if we are still single, so we don't have to grow old alone".

In the dream I think we might be room mates or something, very close friends but I'm not sure about the intimacy, and everyone thinks we are going to get married at one point. Even we know we're going to end up together. This is all the contextual info I have in the beginning of the dream. The actual dream starts with me coming home, changing into sweatpants and baggy sweatshirts... only to find that our parents surprised us by gathering all family and friends, for a "surprise wedding"! Everyone is there. I feel very embarrassed to be in baggy home outfits, but mom doesn't even care, she says, it is such a casual event! They don't even let me change.

I see faces of family, of common friends from school. Everyone we know is there to get us married. M is very happy, he is enjoying the surprise, and since we were going to get married anyhow, he doesn't care how.

I start panicking. In my dream, I apparently also thought we would get married. But when it actually starts happening, I find that I'm far from being sure about this. I can't look at M in the eye. I avoid everyone. And I have this constant discomfort of being in the baggiest sweatshirt ever!

I see my best friend from middle school - D in the kitchen, drinking water. I see her in my dreams incredibly a lot lately, always as my wingman, always there for me. She tries to calm me down - but I know I can't go through with it. I am in total panic. In my dream, I always thought I wanted to get married. But no - now I realize my panic is because I don't feel ready for it, I can't get married, not now, not to him, what the heck am I going to do, I need to get outta here!

First I lock myself out to the balcony. Then I escape into the bathroom. I need to think.
I avoid people for three and a half hours.
M tries to pretend not to have noticed my hesitance.

And the question that creeps, funny enough, is always, why the heck don't they let me change into something normal instead of these sweatpants?!?

While thinking, I also realize, I might actually be in love with someone else.

Making up my mind, I get out of my hiding place, I sneak out a nice shirt and a black vest from the bedroom (which is funny because I almost never wear vests), get dressed and feel better about myself already. I need to talk to M, before telling everyone else. I take him out on the balcony and shoo his guy friends away for privacy. I tell him that I can't marry him with someone else in my heart. He says he knew I hesitated, why else would I lock myself away for three and a half hours? He hurts, but he understands. I don't feel as terrible as I should have.

As I make my way in determination towards the room with the guests, to tell them that the wedding is off, this one stupid alarm clock wakes me up by shouting my name loud and clear, so I wake up instantly.

But I remember I was feeling good to have decided to grow a pair and not go through with what felt like a claustrophobic marriage, even if it meant disappointing everyone, including a very dear one. I felt free and my panic was fading away. I felt confident in who I was, I felt strong, and strangely, I felt in love with this other guy.