Her brother's little sister

My parents expected a second boy after my brother. They expected another white/pink baby boy with blue eyes and no hair. Then they saw me - a dark skinned (if I have to quote my late aunt, "purple"), hairy baby girl with dark brown eyes. What a shock. Luckily, they had not painted my nursery in blue. Making nurseries color coded by gender was not that popular back in St. Olaf at the time.

I grew up with constant fights with my brother. Most of our childhood we spent by hating each other. We looked and acted so different that people wouldn't believe we were siblings. He used to tell me that I was adopted. We were not one of those siblings who would hang out together all the time. Although he was only 3 years older,  it was a significant break. When he was in middle school, I was in elementary; when he was in high school, I was in middle school and before I could catch him he went away for college.

Now I find it so sad that we spent our childhood, the only time we could spend together, not together. Now he is happily married and lives in Europe, and here I am. We see each other a few days a year, if we are lucky. I love him without bounds. Yes we would probably still fight over stupid stuff if we lived with each other in the daily life, but it doesn't matter. I love him because he shaped me and has one of the biggest roles in making me who I am today. I love him because he always protected me without being overly protective, he has always been proud of me although he teased me, I love him because he made sure whoever he knew respected me.

We never shared the intimate details of our teenager lives with each other. Now, when I found out my ex-boyfriend was cheating on me, he was the first person that I called. When I don't feel good, when my life is uncertain, he is the one I talk to. He is the one who says, "You know Jada, you are always welcome in our life, if you want to start a new life you can do it here and I will help you do it".

So, after all, I am finally old enough to embrace our relationship. I have been long aware that he is the one who made me who I am today. I talk about him so frequently, that he is a part of my daily life. I carry a sticker picture of him and my sis-in-law in my wallet and keep showing it to whoever would take a look.

Now when people ask me about my personality, I always say, I am a very warm-blooded typical Mediterranean. Yes, it is true. I laugh a lot, I speak with my hands as much as my voice, I am passionate as hell, I love summer, I love animals. I am a big hugger and I don't require that much personal space. Sun energizes me, snow inspires me.  I wear my culture on my sleeve, and my accent thickens when I talk about home.  I am open minded and liberal.

However, although I am outgoing and talkative, I do not trust anyone easily. I am very much like my brother, I select few to love and trust. And when I do I am there for them for good. That is what I learned from my brother. I am amazed at his faithful friendships. To this day, his friends have been like brothers to me.

And because of him, I believe in good intentions. Because as stubborn and as hard to get along as he might be at times, I do not believe at any one point he ever had a single bad intention in his heart. The way he perceives the world might be different than I do, but his heart is pure. It took me some time to grow up enough to understand this. But because of him, now I do believe in people more. I might not trust, but I never look for faults and bad intentions in people anymore.

Another big gift of being the little sis of my dear brother is my love for cars and motorcycles. Don't get me wrong, I am not a pro, but I am way too interested. To the degree that it bothered some of my boyfriends in the past that they knew and cared less than I did. And I am sure they also felt like I compared them to my brother at times like this (which I did, of course, along with my dad), and, well, they didn't quite make the cut.

As a little girl yes I played with my Barbie dolls, sure, for a while. But what I wanted most was to be able to ride a motorcycle and drive a car (OK I admit I also wanted to fly an airplane - but I haven't mastered that yet). I clearly remember this one light blue convertible Cadillac that invaded my dreams frequently. My brother taught me how to ride a motorcycle and how to drive the moment my parents gave OK. He made me get my licence for both, the day I qualified. He taught me how a car engine works, how to take care of my own car. Even now, we talk quite often about my car, his bikes, and he tolerates and even reinforces my enthusiasm to own my first dual sport motorcycle about every 6 months. Fortunately for my budget but unfortunately for me so far I haven't ended up buying one yet.


So my brother is with me, in who I am, although we may be living thousands of miles away.


If you had seen us, you wouldn't guess we were siblings. He looks nothing like me and I look nothing like him. I always wished I had his white skin and blue/green eyes, his dark blond thick hair. People still think he is a boyfriend of mine when they see a random picture of ours.

I admire him for a lot of things. I've always wished I was as social and as comfortable in the skin as he was. I adored the fact that he always had a bunch of faithful friends around him. I've always wanted to be as good as him in sports; 'coz he swims, skis, plays basketball, volleyball, rugby and this and that, and I can do none of those well.

And I wish I will be lucky enough to find the kind of happiness that he has been blessed with in the past 8 years. I am happily jealous of him and my dear sister-in-law.


I love you Bro.