It has been about 6 months since I changed my relationship status on Facebook back to single. It took me some time to "be back at the game" after some dramatic break-up, and I'm still not sure if I can still play the game. But at least I am out there now, I can actually find someone attractive again, be interested in dating, be excited about a guy.
After a few momentary interests, I finally thought I found someone to maybe entertain the idea of a date. A very casual, let's have coffee type of date, you know, where you wear jeans and pull your hair back in a ponytail instead of putting a ton of make up around your eyes and try to fit in your favorite evening top. This one guy is, simply guys, gorgeous. I mean it. I don't find anyone attractive so easily. Heck, the guys I fell in love with were not that attractive. Of all the great movie stars and playboys of our time, all publicly available for our eyes, my mouth watered for only one guy's torso, on a very particular movie (if you're wondering, it's Ryan Reynolds in Blade, he is simply delicious). So this guy, I mean, is not for the faint-hearted, friends. He looks cool but not aloof, has the lightest blue eyes and a great set of teeth in the cutest smile I've ever seen, is very athletic and just yummy. I've apparently seen him around for more than a year, but only very recently I have realized his presence as a possible joy for me. Anyhow, long story short, I did ask him out for coffee, and although to my credit I wasn't turned down right away, I took the hint after about.. well, two weeks. So after 6 full months of being back to the singleton life, I am mourning over the lost potential of my first real crush.
The most effective way to get over anything is to replace it - right? Especially when you have so much time in your hands. So - how can a person like me, who is a little too picky about finding people attractive and interesting enough to be even considered as a *potential* love interest, find that rare person? Where are all these people? Because, if one per six months is my rate, the chances are I'm not in for a date any time soon. Especially considering my pro of being outgoing enough to ask men out is canceled out by the con of the following rejections.
God, this guy and I, if we could have made a couple, I'm telling you guys we would have been the couple everyone hated - beaming, laughing, very pleasing to the eye. The couple you say the children of which would be so beautiful and cute that even thinking about it makes you jealous.
Having such an eye candy as a date would be a much awaited, very much needed change for me. Ah, we can't do much about the ones that got away, can we?
See this is how too much time in your hands becomes dangerous. You obsess about things. So I obsessed about him for a week or so, even had the warm romantic dreams, went to bed with scenarios of a future for the two of us, butterflies in the stomach, you know, like the usual teenager I was 10-15 years ago. As any sane person of our era would do, I googled him, found some more interesting bits of his life, as well as some very delicious pictures, that I am half embarrassed to admit I even used as my computer background for a few days. After waiting patiently after a "maybe" and "we'll talk later" for about ten days, I sent him a message which was never replied to, and that's when I took the hint with a big, disappointed gulp and a cold glass of water to go with it.
Yes, at this point I was very much into finding a way to get a date with someone I could, maybe, like? But there is NO ONE I find I might like. Hmm... How about.. noooo no I can't.. But who will know?... I will!
A few friends of mine have actually tried online dating. One of them went as far as marrying (ironically) the best friend of the guy she once dated from an online dating site. Another had a 2 year relationship with one she found on eHarm...y, after which she started dating this other guy from PoF. Another two tried PoF. Maybe? Can it work?
It does for some of us, apparently. The question here is, do you really believe that you can hold your face straight when people you know will know that you have a profile on an online dating site? (As you can guess, my motto in life is, whatever you do, you should be able to do it openly and without shame, as if everyone will know.)
I can't help but think that it is a sign of desperation. Well, I know it. I am just not sure whether it is necessarily bad, or, a weakness to admit you are looking for a date online. I do not find it desperate for other people, for example. I think there is a very good justification for online dating - we people of our era are busy, and why should we sit and wait when we can take out destiny in our hands and use some shortcuts to find our best match? I don't think that is exactly desperation. But then again, the question that remains in my mind is that, how many of these people on these sites really think this way and are not, simply, desperate?
Well at this moment I am still on the fence - well, very close to the fence, on and off, but still on the conservative side. So far I have tried FOUR times, building a profile on an online dating site, only to delete it after a maximum of one day, and never put a picture on any of them. I am not desperate, although I wouldn't mind meeting people, and the potential of finding a Mr. Rarely Likable is only too thrilling. Still, I am not sure if I could tell people without blushing into a deep red that I am "looking" for a date online, or, that "we met at an online dating site". Until I do, I am on this side of the fence. For people who are well comfortable with who they are, I say, enjoy online dating and, by all means, milk it. If they have a cute cousin or a brother, I wouldn't mind meeting them either. But until I can get rid of that deep red from my face, I will stick to more conventional methods of meeting people (by which I mean I will bust my ass trying to be social by forcing myself to take on hobbies and pastimes I don't even like that much; by pushing people to go out every other night, no, not another night at home sipping wine in PJs, but actually dressing up and going out; and by going to every event I am invited to) and hope to tell a how-we-met story that does not involve an online dating site. As liberal as I am, I am still not liberal enough to be on board with online dating.
Yet.
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