I have been thinking about expectations lately. They are only one level down from being as dangerous as hopes, and probably another step away from daydreams and wishes.
Yes we all have heard, and at some point in our lives believed, that without hope, we couldn't have survived the worst times. Hope keeps us alive. Although it might be true that positive thinking helps, I barely think it is the key for survival.
If anything, hope increases one's expectations. We all become a little delusional when there is hope. We think, just because we believed we deserved something, just because we thought we wanted it so genuinely and so much, it would come true.
I don't think it ever happens. On the contrary, if you believe that "things happen when you least expect", the more we hope the lesser the chance it will happen. And by proxy, the things that made us expect more out of a situation, actually has nothing to do with the outcome we had hoped for.
Let's simplify: Let's say there are only two possible outcomes, A or B. Initially, when you first realized the presence of these possibilities, you have no preference. Slowly you think into it and decide you'd like A to happen. It sounds better to you, it would make you happier, etc. Slowly you get invested in A happening. You start looking for "signs" for A. You use logic, reasoning, and a lot of heart-felt nonsense including gut feelings. You hope, or if you think you are more brain powered than heart powered, you "expect" A.
Expecting is hoping, only undressed from its flowery coat of emotions. Inside, they are the same. Whether you think you use your mind or your heart to get there is immaterial. In the core, under the dress, they are the same.
Then something unexpected happens.
In our simplified model, the unexpected is outcome B. Depending on the situation, you are surprised, bewildered, sad, or only momentarily disturbed. But in time, you get used to B. During that time, you realize you ignored all those other signs that pointed to B. If you weren't blind to them, as you are not currently, it would have been very easy for you to see that B was going to happen, not A. Oh how silly of you!
And, sad or content, time allows you to settle in B.
B has been happening now for so long, it becomes what you expect. Now your expectations have changed. Now what you expect is B. And for a while, it fits.
Then, just when you start "expecting" B, something unexpected happens, yes, again. By default, this would be A in our simple system of two outcomes.
In our simple system, this already completes the vicious circle. But it wouldn't be too different, really, if we had a bigger, more realistic model. Whenever one expects outcome n, something else, outcome (n+1) will happen.
How many times did you think you'd be done at work by 6 and left at 8 'coz something chaotic happened? How long did you want that cool phone or that awesome army knife or those gorgeous shoes before you bought and realized they failed their reputation in your hands? How many times did you think you were going to get the raise you deserve this time? Seriously, how many times did you find out that the girl / guy of your dreams actually had no clue you existed?
I'm not a pessimistic person, but it seems silly to expect anything at all at any given time. Nothing you think / reason / feel is gonna happen, will never happen anyway. So how did the behavior of expecting and hoping managed to be retained till our times through evolution? Well, one answer is, maybe we are masochistic creatures who actually enjoy to be presented with B when expecting A. Maybe, life would have been very boring otherwise and we would be bored to death, and the rest of the hopeless ones would also die of their misery, and none of us would be alive to our day. Maybe, our brains are created to be biased towards reasoning what we want, or maybe our brains are not evolved enough to decipher the signs without that bias. Regardless of what it is, here we are, with our hopes and expectations from life.
I give up though. I am a little too exhausted to deal with facing outcome n+1. I decide, from today on, not to expect anything. Just go as it is, do not try to interpret signs, which generally come in the form of other people's behaviors, which, they themselve don't even know why they do!
We frequently forget how little we know about everything and anything. If we did remember, we would never be fool enough to expect anything.
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