Dream 3 - Sailing in Pleasant Waters

This is the second time I saw myself sailing pleasantly. I don't remember the first one, which was some time ago, but this one was so beautiful and had a dominant feeling of peace and contentment, that I hope I never forget it.

In my dream, my mother and I are on this medium to small size sailing boat. It is white and very light and simple. It is constructed in such a way that it does not hurt people swimming around them - that was a very dominant part of my dream, that the boat was so safe that you could even swim under it, and it won't hurt you. It is made with some sort of material, that even if you go over a person, it is incredibly safe. You can hold onto the stern and even the propeller would not hurt you. Such a feeling of safety.

At first, my mother leads the boat and I swim around. It is so nice because the speed I swim matches the speed of the boat, so my mother and I never separate, we talk while I swim, very content. At one point she gets into the water as well, and I hold on the stern and play there, like I used to do when I was a little kid. Then I climb up and I sail the boat. It is so easy to lead, I can turn it in any way I want, and my  mother swims alongside, like a dolphin. It is so peaceful. And I realize, we never loose wind. Never.

Even though the boat is the safest thing, I still try to avoid the sides of the boat as much as I can when we swim, and try to avoid running over my mother when I am sailing and she is swimming. The boat is so easy to steer and so agile, that you can't avoid sometimes coming close to the swimming person. I remember once my mother goes under the nose and we brag about what a great boat this is about not harming anyone.

the bay in real life

The place we sail is the smaller bay of my hometown. The bay is, unrealistically, not busy. So we can sail and swim the way we want. Our hometown is behind us, and the wide-open sea is ahead of us, we feel safe yet not restricted in the bay. At one point I can even see the islands of the region in the horizon, all of them, including my favorite, within a greenish fog at a distance.

 my best imitation of what i saw in the horizon

Then I tell my mom maybe we should make a turn and sail the other way for a while, and I make the a big nice turn around my mother, keeping her inside of the turn in the bay by encircling her, and direct ourselves back towards the marina. My mother is still swimming alongside me. And I wake up.

Happily, all these mean good things. Swimming, sailing in pleasant waters is a good omen. It signifies contentment, happiness, prosperity and success. I wish all of these upon my family. I really believe that we all are in the right track to better lives.

Mom, I wish you all the contentment, happiness and safety just like I felt in my dream. I wish you a life that resembles the agile, light, easy-to-steer sailing, always on pleasant waters; beautiful things in the horizon and always a warm home to return to.

Laughter (EmreP)

Yesterday I laughed nonstop for about five full minutes.
Because of something truly stupid, not even that funny.

But I laughed, so hard that I cried, my belly hurt so hard that I could not breath at one point, and I kept laughing.

I remember the last time I laughed like this was when I was 15, and I distinctly remember where I was and who I was with. It was in front of the stores opposite of the city high school, and I was with my close friend EmreP, God rest his soul. He has been taken from us too early, although he was only too full of life. I remember what I wrote for him in our yearbook, I said: "Go live your life". Little did I know.

But I remember that when I was with him, many other days very much like this one, which I remember in detail, I laughed so hard that I could not keep standing on my two feet. I remember, across the city high school, in front of all these strip shops, I laughed so hard this one spring day, that I fell down on the ground, my knees, my muscles just gave up. And I remember him holding me, my arms, and laughing at how I was laughing. I was laughing so hard that my cheeks hurt, and I couldn't breath, so I had to hold my cheeks and make this "hoooow" sound just to be able to breath.
He would tease me every time I ended up on the floor with a "hoooow".

EmreP I miss you every single day.
I regret that I did not talk you into coming to college in the same town as I was.  And I remember the day when I kissed your forehead in front of our regular bar like yesterday. And I am still truly sorry that I scratched that very forehead when I was 12 and left you with a never healing scar. I miss you and it hurts that one day you admitted that we were inviting each other to our cities but in a very phony way knowing neither you nor me would pay the visit. It hurt so much that day, and it still does, knowing that we never had the chance to visit each other. You went in your own way, and I did go to mine, but I carry you in my heart, in our pictures, in our memories, in our youth..
I remember like yesterday the days we would talk on the phone for hours after seeing each other at school for a whole day. And the void you left in me, ...

That void, my friend, can't be filled. By no one.

You will be there, my dear EmreP, whenever I laugh so hard that tears fall on my cheeks and I can't breath. Every such laughter will be for you. There is a reason why it took me 12 years to laugh so hard... 'Coz without you, my dear..
Without you I never thought I could even laugh that hard..

WEC Turkey 2010, Fethiye

This is sheer awesomeness. I am proud.

I can't embed the video, but here is a link and i STRONGLY encourage you to visit and be awed. You can thank me later.

Speaking of Fethiye, maybe you'd like to watch this as well.

Restless

I am missing my restful laziness. Nowadays I am so restless, so much that, I can't sit at home by myself. I need constant company to distract me from my restlessness. What is the result? Jada is out every night. A beer with friends here, a game night there, a long night at work in between, and another beer with friends again. I don't know how to get rid of this restlessness. It is weighing a ton on my shoulders. I can't sleep at nights. I can't wake up in the mornings. I don't want to go to work for hours. And when at work, I don't want to come home. I shower twice daily because the touch of hot water on my skin is the only thing that soothes my restless heart and mind. At that moment I forget all my daydreams and hopes, at that moment, there is nothing to worry, my mind is empty.
I try to distract myself all the time, keep busy and talking, and thank God it works, but at some point I grow weak and the lack of peace wins over my mind again.. So hard to sleep.. So hard to wait and be patient.. What is this restlessness? How do I get rid of it?

Love

... is when you feel everything at once, and you can't decode them.

... is when you feel so much in your heart that it feels like it's going to explode into pieces.

... is when you have to be the most patient when all you want to do is to act as you feel, right now right at this very moment.

... does not require to be real. or long lasting. or any commitment. not necessarily.

You know the feeling when you just want to cuddle and kiss? Nothing further, at this point you care about neither the past nor the future; neither who you were nor who he will be; at this moment you care about nothing but the feeling of touch, of your skin to his, of your lips to his, of your knee to his. Of his hands and fingertips.

That's love. Love of the moment.
There is no other such thing that can make you forget about life, your most valued. Nothing... can ever make you feel like when you're in love.

Love is when you know everything is false but feels like right. Or vice versa.

But love is disappointment and hurt and pain and emptiness all the same. It is extreme pleasure and extreme restlessness, all in one.

It never comes when you are looking for it. It lurks behind the trees and the streep lamps, and makes you jump when you least expected.


Or so the story goes.